


please just love me (with your steal heart)

by hanktalkin



Series: UN PL UG GE D [5]
Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Apologies, Arguing, Denial of Feelings, F/F, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-16
Updated: 2019-01-16
Packaged: 2019-10-10 22:56:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,482
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17435060
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hanktalkin/pseuds/hanktalkin
Summary: Poor apologies and saying-one-thing-and-meaning-another don't get anyone very far.





	please just love me (with your steal heart)

_Dammit_ , Lynx buzzed nonverbally, a pitch only Athena would be able to hear. They tossed the delicate screwdriver down, snapped in their thoughtless hands as they’d let their seething temper steal another one of their tools.

(They were no fighter, but even a civilian omnic acquires a certain amount of grip strength at some point. It was only a few years after they were constructed—in their “youth” as Zarya jokingly called it ~~no, no they weren’t thinking about her right now~~ —that they’d shelled out for some improvements in the realm of physical self sufficiency. It was a particularly chilling job; dangling off the edge of a Numbani skyscraper while unable to pull themself back up was not an experience they wanted to repeat.)

They leaned against a workbench, forcing themself to quit lest they break all of their equipment. They were _pissed_ , more than they ever had been in their life, and every time they let their mind wander it plodded its way back to _her_ and the absolute _obliviousness_ of her. The complete lack of self-awareness was what was most revealing; Zarya believed her little derision undoubtingly, unlike the half-hearted Russian rhetoric she occasionally spouted. Even her more well articulated beliefs—philosophies which appeared to be a thoughtful construction built on various life experiences—tended to be less extreme, and could sometimes even be badgered into incorporating another perspective. But all that was pointless. Zarya was, at her core, a bigot, and Lynx felt like an idiot for ever thinking otherwise.

Grabbing their tablet, they mashed through different applications, looking for _any_ kind of distraction. Ever since they’d stormed up to their lab they’d been furiously going at it, trying to work through the anger just like it was just another impenetrable firewall. How dare she. How, Dare, _She_. All those conversations and she barely had the respect to think of Lynx as a person, no matter how much patience they’d plied to her thick human skull. She’d made a fool of them, and they were sick of it.

Somehow, even when their first meeting still left her calling them _it_ , only now did they feel ashamed.

That thought sent a whole new wave of fire through them, and they jabbed the screen so hard it threatened to crack. _Blasted_ Zarya and her stupid secrets, dragging them here to this _stupid_ organization, where they couldn’t even-

They paused.

Their hand hung over a report, one they hadn’t opened in over a month. One they had opened exactly once. The robbery at the Bank of Nigeria.

Sombra. The woman they weren’t supposed to be tracking.

With a burning in their fingers, they hit _open_.

* * *

Zarya stuffed her hands in her pockets. “I will go in later. They should get a hold of themself first.”

Mei, not a usually a woman of short temper, pursed her lips together. “Aleksandra, you should have gone in two hours ago. Go speak with them.” And since it was coming from Mei, that was equivalent to _you better get your sorry behind in there, otherwise I’ll freeze it and drag it in myself_. She leveled a meaningful look at Zarya.

“Ah, fine, I will do this. Though it would be better to wait until they cooled off.”

In truth, it’d been plenty of time to wait and then some, and a Zarya left to her own devices might have apologized when hell froze over. However, if even the usually appeasing doctor was getting on her case, then maybe this was her best course of action. Maybe. Mostly she just didn’t want to look Lynx in the eye until this whole thing blowed over.

Before she could have another crisis of faith, Mei pressed her palm against the DNA lock and gave a stern shove to Zarya’s back. Zarya sighed, but walked inside the lab, turning to get the last word in only for the door to slide back into place. _Chert poberi. Alone with the enemy._

Which, granted, wasn’t fair, but Zarya was spectacularly out of her element. She didn’t enjoy feeling like she’d done something _wrong_ , and especially didn’t like not knowing what it was. No, that wasn’t quite right either. She _knew_ what was wrong…she just didn’t understand it.

“Hello Zaryanova.” Lynx didn’t look up from the screen they were typing on as she approached their attended desk.

Zarya hunched further into her hoodie despite the Mediterranean heat. A subconscious need to make herself smaller.

“Lynx Seventeen.” She stopped after that. She hadn’t exactly formulated a plan of what to say while she was convincing herself she shouldn’t have to.

They were standing, facing her, yet she might as well have been a particularly unimportant lamp. She cleared her throat, but they didn’t look up.

 “You left the party early,” she tried.

“As observant as ever, Zaryanova.” The words didn’t have the ring of fondness they usually did. Unsurprisingly.

“You did not give me a chance to say anything. Was not so bad, I only meant that such things are not normal. This was not a personal attack.”

Lynx’s ears stuck straight out from their skull, as though they were trying to balance an invisible book on their head. She’d never them do that before. It was a tad alarming.

Sensing the apology was getting away from her, she stumbled over her words, the omnic still silent as they tapped mercilessly on a keypad. “What I said was er…sensitive. I am sorry you were offended.”

There was a sudden, searing hesitation that speared through the room that made her sure the robot was going to throw another fit but, to her surprise, they ended their silence with, “that is good to hear.”

“Really?” Was that all it took? With such an out-of-character fit they’d thrown, she’d expected to be chewed out at least a little. Usually the two of them would get through an argument with yelling and the eventual ceding of ground. (Always on Zarya’s part. The omnic was an infinite well of good counterpoints.) Never had she’d seen her friend act like this before, and she thought they’d at least get in a few more jabs at her. “You are not mad at me?”

They didn’t answer. Behind them, a screen flickered.

“Well, then we will at least go back to being partners, yes?”

“Yes.” For the first time, they lifted the jut of their bronzed chin and looked directly at her. “I wouldn’t dream of compromising our professionalism.”

Something about that didn’t ring entirely true, but Zarya would willfully ignore it if it meant they were no longer angry with her. That was all she had really wanted. “Ah. Good. Be seeing you then.” With no graceful way to exit, Zarya simply nodded and left, grateful _that_ was over with.

* * *

_“_ _Vesna svodit lyubogo s uma. Led - i on nachal,”_ Zarya chuckled to herself as she hauled the attempted-escapee out of the frozen lake. She shoved him in the general direction of the pier’s security camera. “Smile for the camera, friend.”

“Well done Strike Team,” Lynx’s voice belayed over the comm. “I’ll reconnect with you at the shuttle.”

Zarya’s smile faded. She’d mainly said that for Lynx’s benefit with no one else here was likely to get her little joke, but their voice was monotonous, no hint of the usual enthusiasm she’d come to expect. Maybe it was crazy thinking she could tell tonal inflections in a synthesized voice, but she’d come to believe a lot of crazy thing after becoming friends with Lynx.

Because they _were_ friends, right?

She mulled over that question as they subdued their Talon captive, and kept mulling all the way back to Gibraltar. Things between had been…not well ever since the party. Or The Party, as it had become known in Zarya’s mind. Certainly they could not keep ignoring her forever, could they?

“You did apologize to them, right?” Mei asked when she mentioned it in a fit of disgruntled whining. The doctor was only person she actually spoke to on a regular basis anymore, now that the friend who’d brought her here had become so distant.

“Of course I did!” Zarya exacerbated, almost spilling her Oolong. “I went in, said hello, was very humble.”

Mei _hmm_ ed over her own tea. “And how did that go?”

“Well…” Zarya tried to think back. “I said that my words were insensitive. Or maybe that the topic was sensitive? Anyway, then I said I was sorry they took offense and they told me things would be very OK.”

“Wait-” Mei said. “Did you tell them you were sorry _that_ they were offended or did you say you were sorry you offended them?”

“Er…” The barrage of questions wasn’t helping settle Zarya’s mind, especially when she had tried to wipe the humiliating experience from her mind. “The first one?”

Mei groaned. “ _Aleksandra_.”

“What? Does it make a difference?”

“Aleksandra, you need to make a proper apology.” Mei was standing up and doing that ushering motion that somehow Zarya always had to go along with. “Go do it _now_ , and show that you know what you did wrong.”

“But-” But Zarya _didn’t_ know what she did wrong. On face value, yes, she understood that Lynx wouldn’t like omnics being compared to sex toys, but certainly she’d said much worse things at this point. Right?

She couldn’t make the right words to vocalize her concerns as Mei guided her down the hallway, and she once again found herself in the entry to Lynx’s lab. They turned their head to her passively.

“ _Privet_ Lynx,” she managed to say, trying regain confidence. “I wanted to…eh…” _Come on now, it can’t be that hard to figure out what they want to hear._ “It has come to my attention that you are still displeased with me. Which means you lied to me before. I wish you had not done that.”

Their ears flicked straight back, a glare if Zarya ever saw one.

“I should restate my apology. Better this time.” She was butting up against the impasse, the edge in the world of her mind where she didn’t know what to say after it. “And I-…I would like to, but I really don’t know what I did _wrong_.”

Lynx let out a bitter snort, so sharp it startled her. “I have no doubt about that.”

“What has made you so sensitive Lynx Seventeen? Hm? You are just fine when I say we all need different things, but as soon as it becomes _biological_ you run away.” She could feel it: the subtle shift in her temper that was turning her accusatory. It wasn’t a path she wanted to turn down, but now that she was going there was no way to stop her. “Are you so sensitive that the littlest bit of messy human talk has turned you coward?”

Their fists clenched. Zarya felt a brief thrill as she saw she’d hit a nerve. Or fuse. Whatever.

“Zaryanova, I say this with the most conviction I have every said any one sentence: you are a complete and utter troglodyte.” Zarya snapped her head back in surprise. “Did it _ever_ cross your mind—while you were ruminating on your obviously heartfelt and well-thought apology—that omnics _might_ consider things such things as intimacy and romance not so differently than humans?”

“I…Oh.” Once again she felt shame creeping onto her cheeks. “I didn’t think…”

“Of course you didn’t. Because, at your core, you lack empathy when it isn’t born of some misguided attempt at heroics.” They punched numbers into their desk harder than was strictly necessary. “I once found you very interesting Zarya. But now I think I know who you are, and I no longer believe I wish to discover more.”

She grimaced. In some ways omnics were too alien for her comfort…but other times they were just to damn similar.

“I am…sorry Lynx. I should not have been so…” She tried to reconcile both her past mistakes and the temper she’d lost just moments ago. “I really am very sorry.” It was as genuine as she could possibly make it.

Lynx sighed. “Just…just go Zarya. Please.”

Zarya didn’t know what to do, wasn’t sure if that meant Lynx was giving up on her, but was too afraid she would make things worse if she stayed. So she took hold of the command, and slinked out of the laboratory with her tail between her legs. She’d brought the reconciliation as far as she could take it—now she saw nothing left to do but give Lynx their space. Hopefully they’d speak to her again. Hopefully.

* * *

“And these will work at less than one-hundred and eighty degree angles?” Mei said, trying to fill the silence.

“Down to one hundred, yes,” Lynx replied, not looking up. They’d long ago found that they didn’t have to hide their activities from Mei; the numbers on the screen were meaningless to her. Whether they were improving Overwatch’s systems or on the hunt their violet-clad rival, it made no difference. “Will that be all?”

“Yes. Thank you for getting this done for me so quickly.” Mei clumsily lifted the solar panels into her arms and began her march out.

In truth, it had taken six weeks longer than the time actually required to re-adjust the panels, but Mei didn’t need to know that. They were a very busy omnic. It wasn’t anyone’s business why.

They waved absently as she departed, their mind distracted. What was Sombra doing in Cambodia? If they could just dig a little deeper…“Good day Dr. Zhou. Tell Zaryanova I said hello.”

Mei stopped mid-stride. She looked like she’d taken a bite out of a lemon, as though she might pucker up so small she’d pop right out of existence. Lynx lifted their head and cocked an ear at her.

“Are you two…speaking again?” she asked hesitantly. Stars, she could be so awkward when she took the time to be.

“No. Just extending pleasantries.” Things had only cooled between Lynx and Zarya since her second (somehow even worse) apology. Lynx had meant to be angry, to come back at her with something equally hurtful when they’d tore into her, but in the end they’d just wound up depressed. They missed her, even when they couldn’t shake the sting of her words. “You two have been spending so much time together now, I assumed you would be seeing her at some point.”

Mei adjusted her glasses with one hand while gripping the panels with the other. “I…suppose we are,” she flushed.

“Good, I’m happy for you.”

Somehow, her flush darkened. “Oh no we’re not…we’re not together. I just meant she’s just spending a lot more time with me now that…she’s not…with you.”

 _Maybe she left a paper trail this time_ … “Dr. Zhou,” Lynx said, absently. “Don’t tell me you _still_ haven’t confessed to her? I’ve seen you stare down Talon mechs twice your size without flinching, and you’re scared of little old Zaryanova?”

“Ahaha, no.” Mei scratched the back of her neck. “I did confess. Aleksandra just does not feel the same way.”

Lynx was halfway to another well-aimed tease when what Mei said hit their possessors. They straightened up. “I-…what??”

“She said she was flattered,” Mei went on, clearly uncomfortable. “Just that it wouldn’t…well…you know how it is sometimes.”

That was _not_ what they were expecting. “Why would she tell you that? She _clearly_ has feelings for you.”

“…I don’t know.” Mei said. “I guess I was wrong about that. I think all that was just in my head.” She laughed sadly

“It most certainly was _not_. What is _wrong_ with that woman?” They’d come to accept that as readily as the fact that Winston was overly optimistic, or that McCree spent far too much time on his hair. This was how things were, and Zarya always found a way to ruin it. There she was, yet again, belittling everyone who might consider her an ally. “I’m going to go give her a piece of my mind.”

Mei’s mouth fell open into a perfect O. They’d thoroughly stunned her, enough that they were halfway out the door before she could manage, “w-wait! You don’t have to do that Lynx-”

“Oh I most certainly do.” Zaryanova had precious few people who liked her, they wouldn’t see her squander another one.

~~And other reasons. Status quos. Things they were not emotionally ready to revisit. They’d reached the correct conclusion and weren’t willing to submit.~~

Somewhere in there march down the halls of Gibraltar, Mei’s protests faded behind them. Either she had given up in the face of their determination, or their powerwalking skills could not be surpassed. That or Mei simply refused to ditch her solar panels.

“Zaryanova!” The door slammed inwards, smacking against a Russian war poster. Zarya, on her bed, jumped. “What is the meaning of this?”

The room was sparse, barely touched since the day she’d moved in. The only sign of occupancy were some passport stickers attached to the bed frame, and a picture of Vasily Aleksyev hung above the bed. Zarya, surrounded by her minimal personal affects, stared blankly at Lynx. “I have…no idea what you mean?”

“Your rejection of Dr. Zhou,” Lynx bristled to explain. What else would they be talking about? “Why did you tell her that you were not interested?”

Zarya—apparently in the middle of cleaning her gun—pushed the particle cannon off of her. “…What?” Her brow furrowed. “I do not see how that is any of your business.”

“It is my business because it happens to hurt someone I consider a friend.” They threw their had back in the general direction of the lab. “Now. Explain yourself.”

“Because I…am not interested?” Zarya rubbed her shoulder. “Mei is a good friend but she isn’t…someone who I want to be with. Romantically. Shouldn’t that be enough?”

No, it wasn’t. Lynx had invested a lot into this chain of thought, and they weren’t breaking it now.

“Why are like this?” they demanded. “No one is ever good enough for you, are they? You use people Zarya, but you never have it in you to feel anything back. It’s despicable.”

“I-!” Zarya stood and took one giant stride over to them. “I am done with this! I never know what you mean anymore, why you are so mad at me over some things and not others. I cannot understand anything when you talk in metaphors instead of telling me what is wrong!”

The worst thing was, Lynx _didn’t_ know what was wrong. They didn’t know why this, of all things, was their breaking point.

But it was. They jammed their finger into her chest. “The only reason I ever came to Overwatch was because of you and your ‘world-ending secret,’ and look how quickly that disappeared. But you know what? It does not matter.” They took a step back. “Because I am done with both of you.”

They left, abandoning Zarya she stood in the middle of her miserable room.

They needed to get off base. Now. There was a town, not to far from here, _Los_ \- something or other. That would do. It would have to do. They needed someplace to clear their head without suffering this train wreck any longer.

* * *

The town had proved quiet, still. Barely fifty humans, all living together less than six miles from the world’s most renowned former peace-keeping organization. It was almost funny.

They left the convince store and sighed inwardly as they glanced across the bay. The road to Gibraltar stared back at them, tempting home in the last rays of sunlight, reminding them that they couldn’t just skip town no matter how rough things. It wouldn’t be fun to go back, but the walk down the coast had helped them calm down a bit, and they thought they could face Zarya again and put their thoughts together. Mei, the party…it was all part of it, but their new realization made them think that maybe there was no neat resolution to all of this.

Tucking their receipt into their bag they started off on the way home. Shadows grew longer, and their ears twitched at the sound of wildlife mingling with ocean waves. A shrew stepping out for the night. The roar of an Iberian lynx in the middle of its hunt. The sound of footsteps…

Lynx paused, cocking their head over their shoulder. There was no sign of anyone. For miles. And as the last bits of sun disappeared behind the hills, they realize that were completely and utterly alone.

There were still footsteps.

* * *

As dawn stuck down the mountainous path, the wind blew gently, ruffling a plastic bag full of tea and peanut butter. So careless! People really shouldn’t litter. ★~(◠‿◕✿)

**Author's Note:**

> this one was just a lot of farting around but oh well


End file.
